Simon Kelk: News: Colour Supplement

TRASH

MAN MARRIES WOMAN!

We have some pictures!

Man

Woman

A man and a woman from Sellafield wed last Saturday in what has been described as "the wedding of the weekend" (Sellafield Gazette & Herald). In an exclusive deal we have managed to secure sole rights to the photos (see above).

The man and the woman (who declined to be named for publicity reasons) both work at the Sellafield nuclear fuel re-processing plant, where he re-processes nuclear fuel and she puts it into boxes and sticks that propellor sign on the side. In a change from tradition the bride wore a mottled pink pinafore and a green face for the service at the Windscale registry office.

Friends and family (including some other people who declined to be named) were present for the service and the reception at the Red Lion Inn. The reception was marked by a lavish finger-buffet after which dancing took place.

Afterwards the couple drove off to the airport, where we understand that they jetted off to a secluded hotel & restaurant complex with water-slides on the Costa del Sol for a ten day honeymoon.

ART

A Master of Economy

Critically acclaimed Artie Vanker retrospective opens

by JENEXXA UNESCO

"Celibacy Rehoused" - actually uses paint

Artie Vanker has in recent years been simplifying his work more and more, and this is chronicled in his current exhibition at the Glove Compartment in Islington. From more complex early works (including 1994's "Celibacy rehoused" shown above) through to his more recent 'blank canvasses', the exhibition documents the gradual stripping away of extraneous outer-layers to reveal the simple beauty of the underlying structure in the tantalising manner of a strip-tease. The sexual charge within the gallery is almost palpable.

It is the later works that cause the greatest stir with their huge sweeping expanses of nothingness causing the viewer to re-evaluate his position in the universe or something.

His most recent pieces such as "Wibble" (1998) make use of the profound silence of a bare, naked canvas to great effect. Here we see the true genius of Vanker in the way that he leaves the blank, untainted, and even unpainted, canvas to do the work for him. A masterpiece.

Visit it now, before crowds of pretentious 'North London' types gather.

"Artie Vanker: A Load of Bollocks" is open at the Glove Compartment Gallery of Total Crap until the end of time

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