F.A.B. for International Rescue relaunch!

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by HARTLEY HARE

Renowned 60's emergency service International Rescue - more affectionately known as "Thunderbirds" - are set to reform for a special charity event to be held next month in Chigley, Surrey. It is understood that they will re-enact one of their famous rescues, and will then rescue a cat from a tree.

International Rescue were formed in the early sixties by entrepreneur Jeff Tracey and amazed the world with a string of dramatic rescues using all manner of unlikely vehicles before being disbanded in 1969. The split occured when John - the 'forgotten Tracey' - decided to quit his space-station, and Gordon (Thunderbird 4) became embroiled in a gay sex and drugs scandal. Father figure and founder Jeff Tracey died shortly afterwards from a massive string failure.

Moves to reform, at least temporarily, were initiated by Scott (Thunderbird 1) and Virgil (Thunderbird 2) last year, and it is understood that they have been joined by Alan (Thunderbird 3) and Gordon, though it appears that the rift with John - who is now an accountant - has not healed. Unconfirmed rumours suggest that Spectrum's Cloud Base command centre from Captain Scarlet may initially provide satellite support until a replacement for John can be found.

Veteran socialite Lady Penelope, now 73, and entrepreneur Richard Branson will be giving the project financial backing, but it is not known whether the team will be joined by "Brains", their former technical advisor. Brains has shunned publicity since being turned down for a job on TV's Countdown in favour of Carol Voorderman.

Re-forming the majority of the original team was only part of the story according to Virgil

Tracey at a press conference yesterday. Apparently finding the Thunderbird vehicles themselves proved problematic. "We found Thunderbird 2 working for an air-freight company in Arizona, and Thunderbird 3 rusting in a barn in Yorkshire" explained Virgil. "The Mole (Thunderbird 8) had to be bought back from UK construction firm Laing." he continued.

But perhaps most bizarre was Thunderbird 4 (the submersible) which had been converted for road use in Wales with wheels and a 2 litre Vauxhall engine. Unfortunately, no trace could be found of Thunderbird 1, and it is believed to have been broken up for souvenirs some time ago. Until a new one can be built the team plan to use a small Learjet. "They share a lot of the same abilities in that they both fly and carry a very small number of people" said Scott Tracey, "But the Learjet's got more comfortable seats" he added.

Back in the sixties International Rescue was funded entirely by Jeff Tracey's various other enterprises, but this time round additional funding will be achieved by the sale of advertising space on the Thunderbird vehicles, and in the future a small 'rescuing fee' may be levied. If the relaunch of International Rescue is a success work will begin on a new "Tracey Island" with top architects Anthea Turner Associates lined up to design it. In the meantime, the team will work from a warehouse at an undisclosed location in Devon.

The new International Rescue will appear in public for the first time at the Mop Fair in Chigley on 29th April. The display will include a daring 'demonstration' rescue of a cat stuck in a tree. As Scott Tracey explained "Rescues in trees are especially difficult since there is always the additional worry that our strings may get tangled in the branches." (Trumpton fire brigade will provide back-up if required.)

We've all heard the expression "Too many cooks spoil the broth" - our mothers drilled it into our heads along with "A stitch in time saves nine" etc. But now it has finally been proved by a bizarre incident at a posh London restaurant yesterday.

Le Cucumber is top "angry" chef (and former Queen of the South reserve goalkeeper) Gordon Romsey's flagship restaurant, and has received many glowing reports recently. However, the typically hectic activity in the kitchen boiled over yesterday evening when by chance every customer ordered the Scotch brotch to start. Not wanting to disappoint them Romsey switched a number of staff onto the broth cooker - normally occupied by just the one junior chef!

In the ensuing mayhem two chefs were hospitalised and, tragically, the broth was most definitely spoiled.

As the chefs jostled for space mistakes were made. Salt was added twice when one chef had not spotted that another chef had already added some, and the cooking temperature see-sawed as different chefs tried to assert their authority.

Things finally came to a head when Romsey saw that the broth was spoiled and flew into one of his famous rages. He picked up pastry-chef Marcel Marceau and threw him at junior potato chef Jimmy Stewart, causing Stewart to tip one of the giant pots of broth onto sous-chef Ato Boldon. Boldon suffered burns to his arms and his ears and was rushed to hospital. Marceau was also treated in hospital for damage sustained to his elbows when he was thrown by Romsey.

Speaking afterwards Romsey said "I'm a professional, and I expect to work with professionals. The fact that I seem to hire spanners is neither here nor there." He is now helping police with their vegetables.